My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
