I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
