My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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