it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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