I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
