I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
