I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
