my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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