we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
