is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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