Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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