You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
