How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
