Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
