4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
