Need sex. Gaining weight.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
