I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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