Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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