I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
