take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
