Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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