I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
