I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
