Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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