Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize