That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
