It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
