I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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