I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I love having hate sex.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
