Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
