One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
