My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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