I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
