I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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