I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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