i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
