Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
