I could have mohawked her pubes.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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