I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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