I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
