I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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