I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
