Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Shame - the story of my life.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
