I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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