i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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