He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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