you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
