I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
