Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
