I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
