Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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