This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
