I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
