I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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