mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
