no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
