Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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