i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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