You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
