He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize