i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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