no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
