cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Rumble strips road head = magical
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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