you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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