Too much gin, very little bucket
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
